Fearful of Teens Making Internet Memes, Brainless ESPN Losers Ban Normal Words During Astros Game

Other than the main fake news outlets like CNN, NBC, MSNBC, CBS and others, ESPN has to be one of the biggest jokes around!

ESPN is soo concerned that some 12 year old out in cyberspace may make a meme image out of something on the ESPN broadcast that they have banned many normal words that are actually needed when announcing a MLB baseball game, including the name of the New York Mets starting pitcher Matt Harvey.

How the fuck can you announce a Major League Baseball game, but not be able to say the name of one of the starting pitchers??? That’s fucking stupid!

Here are a few of the words or phrases that the broadcasters were banned from using during the Astros game, which included the name of the Astros starting pitcher, because his last name was also that of a hurricane.

  • Matt Harvey – one of the starting pitchers
  • Power Pitcher
  • Home
  • Homerun
  • Home plate umpire
  • Safe
  • Houston
  • Wall
  • Rebuild
  • Bullpen
  • Devastating
  • Overpower
  • Overwhelm
  • Flood

How the fuck do you announce a Major League Baseball game without using words like “Home”, “Home run”, Bullpen”, or even using the name of one of the starting pitchers?

The answer is you can’t, and shouldn’t have to unless you are the brainless libtard losers at ESPN who have absolutely no fucking clue what they are doing!

It’s easy to see that, with the brainless losers running the show over at ESPN, and with the way the network is headed, ESPN is a BADLY damaged brand that probably won’t be around for much longer in it’s current form.

The Washington Free Beacon has obtained an exclusive memo from an ESPN executive instructing broadcasters on how to avoid embarrassing memes and political sensitivities associated with Matt Harvey’s upcoming start in Houston.

From: Connor Schell
To: BulsterOlney; DanSchulman; JessicaMendoza; R*****Lee; AaronBoone
BCC: Rob Manfred
Date: August 31, 2017
Subject: Revised Styleguide for Mets-Astros 9/2

The return of baseball to the Astrodome on Saturday is going to be one of the most widely watched and inspiring games of the season. We’re expecting big numbers, but that comes with even bigger scrutiny given the events of the past week. The path we walk is filled with peril if we are not careful. The Mets have not made things any easier for us. Despite extensive lobbying from myself, Mr. Skipper, and Commissioner Manfred, the front office insists on starting Matt Harvey against the Astros on Saturday.

We are going to have to make adjustments so as to avoid the potential of internet memes, outraged petitions, and black-masked anarchists amassing in Bristol. Below is a revised style guide compiled after synergizing with our diversity consultants over at Precision Representation Strategies, LLC and our legal guys at Irend, McGar, Mentz & Howell. They have helpfully given us a list of words that must NOT be used during Saturday’s broadcast, as well as some suggestions for making our baseball broadcasts more inclusive moving forward. PRS also supplied an example of dialogue to show you how to work around these issues.

Don’t let us down.


Connor Schell
Executive Vice President of Content

“I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.”

-Billie Jean King

Matt Harvey: This goes without saying.
Devastating, Overpower, Overwhelm, Flood, Power Pitcher: IBID
Swept: IBID
Home, Home run, Home plate umpire: Could trigger those who lost homes to the flooding
Safe: People in this city may not feel this way
Radar Gun Readings: We recommend not using the pitch or exit velocity trackers during this game in the event that one of those readings matches windspeeds from the Hurricane (between 80-130 mph)
Brandon Nimmo: although it is pronounced with a soft i a broadcaster could easily slip and say Nemo, reminding everybody of an underwater vessel—or city
Houston: This city is named after a 19th century white male. We’re assuming he fought for the Confederacy. Treat it as a reverse Washington Football Team.
Ruben Carter: in the off chance the conversation somehow turns to the wrongfully imprisoned middleweight boxer, DO NOT refer to him by his nickname.
Wall: This city has a large Latino population.
Rebuild: We are aware that the Mets will have to reassemble their roster following this woeful season, but their plight pales in comparison to that of this city.
Bullpen: We are unsure of the lexicology, but advise clients that it is always best to avoid PETA’s crosshairs

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